Building supportive communities is only possible when we have a holistic understanding of the various elements required to create comfortable and equitable spaces for all. That said, building anything worthwhile takes a certain amount of discomfort, a level of grit, perseverance, and consistency. It also requires looking deep inside of ourselves and the way we engage in the world. We need to ask ourselves, ‘Why are we doing this and who are we doing it for?’
Enter Michael Pariser, the author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, The Hero’s Journey, the well-received and highly informative hit companion book to Robert Glover’s No More Mr. Nice Guy. Pariser says that building a healthy community starts with the willingness to do good for others. He says that when he was younger, he focused mostly on his own well-being and development while he was struggling financially, but soon began looking towards helping the greater community. “That’s when my life changed for the better.”
Work on Yourself So That You Can Help Others
Flash forward and after years of hard work and determination, Michael Pariser became a successful author and helped hundreds of clients around the world build lifelong skills. From emotional development and tolerance to well-being and learning how to face adversity, Pariser has worked with his clients to help them overcome challenges they had previously thought were insurmountable.
Whether you’re trying to lead others or help them achieve their goals, knowing yourself and your fundamental values will help you,” says Pariser. “Emotional self-awareness is the essential first step that leads to mastery in all aspects of emotional intelligence, including flexibility, empathy, interpersonal relations, and even leadership.
Emotional Intelligence expert Daniel Goleman explained the connection between your emotions and your ability to lead in a feature article by Korn Ferry leadership consulting firm: “Emotional Self-Awareness is the ability to understand your own emotions and their effects on your performance. You know what you are feeling and why—and how it helps or hurts what you are trying to do. You sense how others see you and so align your self-image with a larger reality. You have an accurate sense of your strengths and limitations, which gives you realistic self-confidence. It also gives you clarity on your values and sense of purpose, so you can be more decisive when you set a course of action. As a leader, you can be candid and authentic, speaking with conviction about your vision.”
Building on the notion of self-awareness and leading by example, Pariser says that developing self-confidence and assertiveness is key to helping others. When you experience your emotions on a deep, visceral level, tolerate them enough to be able to utilize them for motivation, and communicate them honestly in interpersonal relations, you begin to realize your capacity for helping other people. And that can lead to community.
It’s important to remember, Pariser notes, that community building does not necessarily require a commitment to active organizing. It can be, but it might also be enough to help others improve their interpersonal skills, so that more people are capable of being better engaged with each other. They are also more likely to be pro-social in their activities, giving to the people who need it from them: paying it forward and paying it back.
Face Your Own Issues with Courage
Michael Pariser believes that it takes courage to step outside of your comfort zone and to help others. To do so, one must face their own issues with courage and tenacity. “We need to look inside of ourselves, he says, “and confront our own issues, then work through the emotions that come with that confrontation.”
Aside from developing confidence and courage, taking care of your basic needs and necessities is key, and while obvious, is harder to do than it sounds. With life’s pressures and inevitable stresses, it can be easy to neglect the basic healthy habits like diet, sleep hygiene and relationships. Michael Pariser says we need to get a solid handle on these essential processes. Only then will we have the sense of safety and stability we need to turn our focus towards the greater community.
To learn more about Michael Pariser, his teaching and to purchase his book, you can visit his official website.
